On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
