At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
