I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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