Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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