Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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