It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
