I didn't shave. On purpose
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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