he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
