i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
