hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
