i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
