and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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