Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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