I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
