I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
