talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
