Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
