he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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