In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
