Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
