Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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