Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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