2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
