Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i barfeds in our rink
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
