i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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