I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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