you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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