Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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