just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
