Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
