from now on my penis is your penis
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
