Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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