There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
