yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
