3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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