I heard we made out
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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