but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
