If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
try to milk me bitch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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