I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
