david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
