I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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