Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why are your pants in the freezer?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
