Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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