If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
