I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
