you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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