somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am naked and annoyed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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