FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
