I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
