my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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