I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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